December 8, 2012
Richard has begun his campaign to become king. Yesterday, he commanded his BFF, Lord
Buckingham, to spread rumors that Elizabeth is a whore and doesn’t know who her
baby daddy is, and that his mom is a slut.
Everyone believed these rumors and as a result he was crowned
king today. Despite this, everyone hates him
and even his own mother finds him repulsive.
Sources tell us Anne thinks her husband is weirdly sensitive,
continuously cries in his sleep, and was heard complaining to her
girlfriends, “I just want him to shut up. Like you’re ugly we get it.” It was
brought to his attention that his two nephews are still in the Tower and so he
ordered them to be killed because according to Richard, they pose a major threat to him. This morning, Buckingham acknowledged how wrong this is, and told Richard, “Hey, they’re kids.
You can’t do that,” and he parted ways with his longtime BFF. A handsome fellow from France named Richmond, from the family of Lancaster, announced his plans to save everyone from Richard’s wrath and
everyone agrees that Richmond besides being insanely attractive, he will no doubt save them. Richard has decided that Lady
Anne is too old for him and so this morning, he forced her to try to convince her daughter
Elizabeth, his niece, to marry him because she is "fresh meat" and everyone will
accept him as king if he marries her. A
la Cher from Clueless, Elizabeth was heard telling her mom, “As if!” No word on whether Richard plans on asking Elizabeth himself if she would like to be married to him and his hump.
UPDATE - Sources are reporting that Elizabeth married Richmond this afternoon.
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